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 Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)

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PostSubject: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Thu May 12, 2011 4:15 pm

Was just ome week than I was out of the hospital after the gunshoot in the bar we were for take a last drink for Angell. I didn't like te fact to be in a wheelhair, who like it? I was in thr living room just thinking. I didn't really talk these last days but I was so in an bad mood.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Thu May 12, 2011 5:54 pm

i just bathed Lucy and walked back into the living room. I saw Danny staring.. I knew that meant he was deep in thought. I knew in what moods he was, how he hated to be like this. Why it had to be him in the wheelchair. He said he didn't need all the help all the time, and that he could do it on his own... But i knew better, i knew he did need help, his ego just didn't.

"you okay, babe?" i asked him carefully, hoping he wouldn't snap at me. I just couldn't help myself but ask him that all the time.. Maybe that was wrong from my side, but i was so worried about him, and i knew that sometimes he just wouldn't ask for my help even though he needed it. I knew he was just in thought right now, but i just wanted to make sure he was okay, if he replied then.

I waited on him with Lucy, i knew he liked to put her to bed. Even though it was a bit hard for him, i still knew he would go through that 'pain' to do it. To be a father and but his baby girl in her bed, and i loved watching that scene, being there if things would go wrong. Just seeing him and Lucy smiling happily, saying goodnight to each other. Just Perfect, in it's way, our perfect little family that had gone through so much already.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Thu May 12, 2011 8:30 pm

I was in my thought when she asked me if I was okay. This last week she always asked me it and sometimes, okay most of the time I didn't reply. It wasn't fair because wanted to help I know it.

But usually now I just said something but never the truth becaise I don't want to see her worry. So when she asked me it, I didn't look at her, I knew I should because I love her abd Lucy and because I should make some efforts for be better but I couldn't.

"I am fine" I just said without looking and lying again.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Thu May 12, 2011 8:42 pm

He still didn't look at me.. but after a while he finally replied, telling me he was fine. I knew he was not.. i heard it in his voice, but apparently he didn't want me to bugger him with it now..

"Do you want to take her to bed?" i asked, now not looking at him either, but at Lucy who was pulling at a stray of my hair.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 1:20 am

I didb't look ar her and to heard her asking me if I wanted to take Lucy to her bed make me more sad. I mean to just can't do things normally was killing me inside. So I just said no hoping she would understand why. And then I remain in silence. But just add lie a wishper "sorry"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 11:55 am

i heard a silent no.. i knew that he was in a bad mood now, so i shouldn't ask him too much, turned around and wanted to walk away.. but i wanted a few seconds and glanced over my shoulder, but he was still staring, thinking.... i sighed deeply and then did walk away, to Lucy's bedroom. In some way i hoped that soon he would drop in.. saying he changed his mind, but i was kinda sure that wouldn't happen tonight...
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 6:19 pm

She walk away into lucy's bedroom and I didn't say anything for stop her.
Then nothing, no word just the silence.
I stay thinking, it wan't right but I can't help it. Of course I wanted to be in an best mood but it wouldn' come. She then come back in the living room where I was.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 7:18 pm

She went down okay.. i sang her a song, and she was asleep pretty fast. With her pony cuddle pet, that she loved. She was tired already, so that was a great help.

I walked back into the living room to find Danny in the exact same position as i left him in.. He probably was so deep in thought that he didn't even hear me....

"Babe? Are you sure you're okay?" i tried again...
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 7:50 pm

She asked me it one more time. I couldn't hide her it. She is my wife, she knows me too well. I turn myself and look at her with same look I got since I was in this bad situation.
Anf I nodded a no. I know she was there for me but since you are not in this situation you can't understand it too well
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 10:14 pm

when i finally saw him shaking his head, i was in someway satisfied that he finally told me the 'truth'... though i was worried now.

"do you want me to do anything for you? Help you with something? Talk to you about something?" i suggested him.. whoa Lindsay.. slow down...
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 10:28 pm

I was kind of happy that she always wanted to help me or show me her support.
But to see her worry or sad, not really. I didn't want her too be like this.
She asked if she can do anything for me. And I dunno what to say. But I knew what she was waiting from me. It just that I will need more time to accept all of it.
I wanted so badly to hug her, to be against her everytime like how we did before but I can't.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 11:01 pm

He didn't reply... yet. I think i asked too many things at the same time, maybe that was wrong. Suddenly something else popped into my mind.

"do you need to go to the toilet?" i asked him then.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 11:06 pm

What? If it qas something for make me reply she would wait a long time before I will. (jk)
I look at her and finally said it "I am sorry"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 11:42 pm

i didn't find the link between 'i am sorry' and going to the toilet. So i wondered for a while.....

"do you have to, or not?" i asked him again.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Fri May 13, 2011 11:47 pm

I look at her, more stare at her. "no"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sat May 14, 2011 12:04 am

"oh...." i said.. maybe being a bit embarrassed about it now. "what's wrong then?" i asked him again, hoping he would tell me. I was getting more worried now.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sat May 14, 2011 12:08 am

I wasn't sure it was a good idea to tell her. But I already started. " I am sorry if I say no about Luce"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sat May 14, 2011 12:48 pm

He was sorry about Lucy. and it was okay actually. If he didnt feel for it, then he didn't. I didn't want to push him into anything. I was actually glad if he was honest with me. "it's okay"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sat May 14, 2011 7:18 pm

She told me that was okay but wasn't. I was pulling out everyone who try to help me how it can be okay? I look at her and nodded.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sat May 14, 2011 10:05 pm

"don't worry too much about it, okay? We'll try it again tomorrow. She will be here the rest of our lives, remember that. I won't leave you" i explained to him.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sat May 14, 2011 10:31 pm

She just approach him while she was saying me it. I knew I can count on her support. I look at her in her lovely eyes. "thanks"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sun May 15, 2011 5:51 am

"any time, Danny" i smiled at him. And then came soclose to him, that i only had to bent down to kiss him. And so i did.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sun May 15, 2011 8:28 am

She went close to me for gave me a kiss. Which I really appreciated. I felt better when I saw her always suporting me. I look on her eyes, brown ones, what I miss during this time.
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sun May 15, 2011 1:40 pm

"it's gonna be okay" i whispered to him, since i was still close to him. "I promise we'll get there, even if i have to believe in you all by myself"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Sun May 15, 2011 8:30 pm

She was good in. But I wasn't really like her. I mean it's already few weeks that I am in this wheelchaie and nothing had change. "What if nothing change?"
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PostSubject: Re: Wheelchair youpi (lindsay)   Today at 12:52 am

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