Unbelievable [everyone]

Being on my run, I am frustrated now. I knew I shouldn't have said those last words, but I did. She didn't know I was thinking about her, but she ruined that thought by telling me she's just my partner. I needed a way out before I ended up being kicked out, lucky that I didn't already. But then I was remembering her words she said when she was sleeping. Yea, she didn't say 'I love you' just 'I love...'
If she really did? I mean I tried to tell her and told her indirectly more than once but she didn't seem to understand. or was she just downplaying it? my brain suggests. But if she was, what was she afraid of then?
"Damn it, Mac. You're screwed." I curse myself.

After a little while I turn the shower off and get dressed.. I slowly head into my bedroom and sit down on the edge of my bed. I look through the window and watch the dark, starry sky. gawd, I never ever will be able to love...

Will she ever know? Will I ever be able to really tell her?
That was what I was thinking while trying to wear off some unnecassary energy.

I sigh and crawl under the covers, lay my head on my pillow and close my eyes. After 30 minutes I'm still not sleeping.. Where the hell is Taylor? I start to get frustrated and let out a deep sigh

At the same time I quietly open the door to her apartment and close it with the same silence, locking the door and getting into the small room, assuming that she's probably sleeping I close the door and quickly change into my PJs and sit down on the bed, staring out of the window, not really in the mood for sleeping. I probably ruined that for ever... I thought sadly and sighed.

I really wabted to sneak into his oh well the spare room but not now.. He made it obvious that he doesn't want me. At first today I thought he did but.. He probably has someone else on his mind..

And while I don't know Stella's thoughts, she's the one on my mind now, keeping me from sleeping. If it wasn't me I'd probably be so angry with myself that you'd see me crying, but since I never really cried, I don't do that, just swallow the sadness pulling on my nerves. I wonder if she meant her words she said this morning, about sneaking in, something tells me she did, but on the other hand I'm not sure.
Oh yeah, she told you she's just your partner, so drop it finally! I brain yells at me.
I can't.

Ok Bonasera you better fall asleep now! Tomorrow you'll just throw him out.. You'll be fine. You've always been fine on your own, always! Even when your forster father broke your wrist You were still was able to look after yourself A little hole won't make any difference

Somehow I knew I didn't get any sleep, so I wasn't surprised that I was up around 5 am. Having her promised pancakes for breakfast I get dressed and sneak out of my room, noticing she's not up yet, I get her breakfast done, me not being hungry. But as I am done, I wonder what to do now.
maybe you better go home today, leave her space as she obviously wants...
I sighed sadly. I haven't looked into a mirror after I got up, but I felt like I must look like: like hell.

I managed to get at least three hours of sleep. I wake up with the smell of pancakes around my apartment. I let out a sigh and sit up.. He did make pancakes.. I can't refuse them, right? I frown and get up and slowly walk out of my room

I still wonder about what to do now, when I basically bump into Stella on the way back to her spare room. For a few seconds my arm moved around her, keeping her from falling, but quickly moved back to my side.
"Sorry." I offer quietly.

I don't even respond to his sorry I just give him a small smile "morning" I say quietly

"Morning." I replied in the same quiet tone, still feeling bad, I don't really know what to do, so just let her walk past me.

I walk past him to the living room and drop myself on the couch

Oh well... this is going to be great.... I thought in misery and walk back into the spare room, packing my things back into the bag and then sit down on the bed, not being hungry, but lost in thoughts.

"Are you coming for breakfast?" I say loud enough for Mac to hear it. What the heck is taking him so long

"Be right there." I reply and take a deep breath before I get up and join her, staying quiet most of the time as we shared breakfast.

"Mac we need to talk.." I say and put my fork and knife down on the table.

I look up at her and nod in agreement.

"Maybe it's better if you go home today, you have to go back to work" I tell him

Though I actually shouldn't agree to that, I just nod with a tight lipped smile.
"I really am sorry for what I said yesterday, Stella. But honestly I just answered your question, though I am not sure what you expected me to say." I finally dare to say, remorse in my voice and somehow feeling like break down and cry, but I won't let that happen.

"Mac I didn't expect anything" I say quietly and frown "but still you're going home." of course I hear sadness in his voice but that's too bad, be Strong Stella.

"Fine." I say and sigh. Right, if she wants me to leave, fine. Somehow it's getting me upset now and I don't like that.

She nodded and grabbed her fork. She slowly continued to eat her breakfast.

I silently finish my breakfast, not saying anything. I'm done justifying myself and I am done talking for today.