On the phone [Mac]

"You know..." I say as I turn around before I reach the door. I don't really feel like leaving, but I've learned that it's better at times, although I know I'll leave you crying and it's breaking my heart." I say and then open the door to leave the room.

"don't worry about me, I'll be fine as always...I'll get over it" I say quietly

"But I worry... you're my best friend for a reason." I say and somehow feel like I shouldn't leave you alone.

"I'm a grown up.. I can handle it. Don't worry!" I say

"Fine!" I huff in frustration and then get my coat, leaving the apartment. I regret that I left but I figured it was pointless to stay and argue, so I walk down the stairs and then stop in front of the apartment building, taking a deep breath of cool air, before looking up in regret.

I climb out of the bathtub and quickly get dressed. He left... I fight back my tears.. I slowly walk to my bedroom and drop myself on my bed, can't keep it dry anymore.. "there really is no way that makes him love me.." I tell myself thru my tears

Still standing in front of the apartment building, I'm not sure what to do now. Shall I go up again and apologize? But why apologize? She wanted me to leave, right? Still I feel bad for leaving her alone like this, not telling her truth because I am afraid she might not feel that way. Afraid to loose my best friend... "What do I do now?" I ask myself with a deep frown on my face.
I ignore the fact that I am still in my PJs and I actually start to freeze. I just can't move.

He probably went home.. As I said I wanted him to, but... Oh well it's probably the best for both of us. My heart won't break any further if thats even possible.. All his girlfriends already did.. I've been there for him for such a long time and still he wanted Peyton and quin and aubrey and god knows who more.. Not fair..

I was still standing at the very same place and finally decided to do something. Much to my dismay it started raining. Oh yeah... fits perfectly. I think.
I pull my phone out and typed text for Stella.
I'm sorry... maybe I should've stayed, but I just can't tell you what I want to tell you. I know you might think me as a coward. I know I am. Sorry... love Mac.

I hear my phone and look at the message.

"If you can't tell me you don't have to either!!" I feel my anger grow.. I quickly put the phone down.. Stay calm Stella don't throw your phone against the wall like you did with the homephone....

I decide to finally go home, but call Sinclair, not caring about the late hour, that I'm taking my vacation day. For now, a week will be fine and then I went to bed, but staring at the ceiling the whole night. It had started so good and yet I messed it up. What do you want me to do Stella? I'm trying but broken... I thought you knew... I think bitterly.

I've tried to show him what I feel for him but he just can't or don't want to see it.. Maybe I should accept the offer I got from the New Orleans police dept. Just start over like when I was little with my foster parents.. Thats life.. as far as I know..